Shadow Work Through Space: Coming Out of the Closet and Into the Light

In my book Mind Body Home every aspect of the home is correlated with its mental, emotional, or physical counterpart. Our home is a mirror of ourselves.

There's one part of the house that is of particular interest to me right now - the closet. The closet is the space where we store things we don't want to see. These are our subconscious blocks and emotional toxins.

I recently returned to my family home for an extended time due to the passing of my mom. I was astounded by what I found in "my closet."

First, to be clear, storage is not a bad thing. It serves a really good purpose. We don't want to see our clothes strewn around the room or extra towels and toilet paper sitting out. Closets are great for keeping rooms clear of clutter.

But there's also a shadow side to closets. Not only do we hide things we don't want others to see, we hide things we don't want to see and, more importantly, things we don't want to deal with.

The phrase, "coming out of the closet" is most often used in terms of announcing one's sexuality, that is, in terms of it being different from what's "normal."

But there's more to "coming out" than an announcement to the world. It's an acknowledgment of oneself. Self-acceptance.

Imagine how amazing it would be if we all came out of the closet and accepted ourselves for who we are.

“I’m Jewish but don’t believe in God.”

"I’m really short and love myself."

"I’m a big-mouth and think I'm awesome."

“I sing showtunes in the shower and think I sound pretty good.”

"I dress up in women's clothes and look stunning."

"I didn’t go to college and know I’m smart."

"I can juggle while playing the harmonica and think I'm totally cool."

We all hide aspects of ourselves not just from the world, but from ourselves. What if these were in fact the more interesting parts of you? Most likely they are. Instead, however, we believe it makes us "less than” and try to compensate for it or, worse, feel shameful about.

This is what is commonly known as our shadow sides. Our “negative” shadow is that which we find unacceptable about ourselves. Our “positive” shadow is our untapped potential of which we are unaware or simply believe we our too small for.

Wondering what your shadows are? Look no further than your closet.

In order to transform anything, we have to bring it to the light. We have to see it, acknowledge it, and accept it. This is exactly why we shove our shadows in the dark of our closets or other unseen storage areas. The further back, the better.

When these aspects are kept hidden, they fester and become RE’s: Regret, Resentment, Remorse, Rejection. These are all subcategories of guilt and shame and highly toxic.

This energy is also held within your body. Anything in your home is also taking up space in your energetic body. This is why decluttering is paramount to one’s physical and emotional health.

I keep my closets relatively clutter free, especially since I've moved so many times in the last few years. However I conveniently forgot about some things stored at my parent’s house. Denial is a funny thing.

Sitting neatly on the closet shelf was a box I've overlooked hundreds of times labeled "Tisha crystal." It's the never-been-used crystal from my wedding in 1998 that ended shortly thereafter in 2001.

I released so many items from that relationship and many others. I've moved close to fifteen times since and even my first book, Feng Shui Your Life, was largely written as a result of those processes.

The funny thing is that during all those letting-go’s, craigslist sales, and moves did that box ever budge until 2016 - fifteen years later.

Since this realization, I investigated further and found more photos from that marriage that needed to go. As a Cancer sign, I hold enough in my memory bank to where keeping a carbon copy isn't necessary and quite an energetic drag. This is true for anyone, of course.

Tangible items hold memories and emotions that can bog us down or anchor us in the past, especially if associated with a time of life that you don’t need to dwell on.

I was puzzled as to why these items had been overlooked from my past purges. After all, that relationship was actually the easiest of all my relationships to let go.

And why were these items still in my childhood closet – never to have left?

The crystal in original wrapping from the department store with a few cards still tucked in... They were relics from a time I thought I had fully dealt with, but the “Tisha crystal” box told a different story:

Guilt. The gifts. The failed marriage. The witnesses. The celebration. The disappointment. Disappointing my family. Failure. The shame. The shame of who I really was. The hiding. The shame. The hiding. The shame. Self-acceptance. Coming out. The rejection. Disgrace. Shame. The toleration. Rejection. The trying. The non-conformist. Self-acceptance. Self-love. More self-love. Unconditional love.

Sitting on that shelf was the last shred of evidence that I was a good girl doing what you’re expected to do. That box that I could never fit in is no longer in the closet and is now gone. That person has long been gone. May that crystal find me again in a much better form. Thank you and goodbye.

And by the way there were positive shadows in that closet too. Travel photos from around the world - an aspect of myself I plan to reintegrate.

What’s in your closet? What aspects of you are waiting to come out of the closet and into the light?